Getting Started

There are so many styles of parenting.  I’m not going to even begin listing all the different nuances of each style.  The list would be far too long and probably really boring.  Besides, what does it matter?  For as many dads are there are in the world there are just as many styles – so be the one you want to be.  Just make sure it is only one style.  Being multiple dads causes stress, frustration and confusion for both you and your child.

You must decide what your style is going to be.  Style sounds a lot like some new fashion trend or a new body style for the latest luxury vehicle.  Those “styles” change almost instantly and become outdated – leaving disappointed souls in their wake.  Just like those kinds of styles, there is so much out there that tells you who you should be, what type of dad you should be.  Again, just like advertisements for the latest gadgets I implore you to ignore all of it.  If you’re a father you’re probably old enough to know right from wrong, good from bad and left from right.  We all make mistakes and stray and wonder from time to time, it’s only natural to do so, but by and large we know what path we’re on and we keep moving forward.  So don’t let yourself be lead astray.

Your dad style is a conscious decision, not a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants decision.  It’s so important to take a look at ourselves and see what our style is, and if we need to make any changes we can focus on what we want our style to be.

I’m actually not going to get into all the different styles here – or anywhere for that matter.  Instead I want to focus on one thing; patience.  Before we can begin dissecting our dad style we need to look at our patience.  In all things in life the more patience we have the better we are at handling life’s curveballs.  Children are always throwing us curveballs and we need to be ready for that.

To help with this, I keep a thought running in the front of my mind; my children did not ask me to be born and to come in to this world, I made that decision for them.  Remember that the next time you’re feeling impatient because your child has asked you “why?” for the ten-thousandth time.  Remember that everything is new to them – and no matter how many times you’ve answered the same question, to them it’s either a new question or the same question from a new perspective – remember their brains are sponges and are soaking up new information and growing every second.

You have to be patient with yourself too.  Even if you’re on your 5, 6, 7 kid – you may have been around the fatherhood block a few times, but each kid is a different ballgame.  You must always have patience with yourself.  You are going to make mistakes – probably lots of them by the time your little one is all grown up.  That’s ok – being a father and figuring out what your style is is more of a process than a goal.

As dads we need to be patient with ourselves as we learn to be patient with our children.  The same rules for any situation in life requiring patience apply in fathering as well.  Take a deep breath and relax.