Father's day is upon us and dads everywhere will be celebrated. Some will be showered with gifts, fed breakfast in bed, given handmade cards and maybe a phone call from children who moved away years ago. All of which are wonderful, aren't they?
Being a father is one of the greatest joys of my life. I look forward to Father's Day for many reasons, but I think what I'm most excited about is the confirmation that I'm doing an OK job - whether that comes as a hug and an "I love you", a card covered in crayon or a simple, "Thanks Daddy."
As I was thinking about what to write for this Father's Day my mind was flooded with so many ideas. But the one that really stuck was to present a challenge to all dads. I know what your thinking - "A challenge? As if being a dad wasn't challenging enough!" Trust me, you can do this.
What I am about to propose is something all us dads can do. In fact, it's something I do as much as I possibly can. Ready for it?
Do it BETTER!
That's it. Simply enough, right?
Give it some thought though. How often do you pause, take a moment to reflect upon how good of a dad you really are, and then make the necessary changes to do it better? I try to do it as much as I can, but I always find ways to screw it up.
So, dads, how do we do it better? Beats me! I'm figuring this all out as I go. If anyone out there has the Dad's Guide to Raising Kids Manual, let me know when you're done - I NEED IT!
Seriously though. How do we do it better? What you'll find below is a 3-Part list of things I've tried (to varying degrees of success). It is your job to read through the list and see what's going to work for you.
So here it is. Enjoy!
1) Stop. Most of the time this is the best thing you can do. No matter what's going on, stopping and taking a breath, walking away, closing your eyes or whatever you need to do, is the best way to do it better. When we, as dads, are tackling a project around the house, momentum is our biggest ally. Right? You know the feeling; the to-do list has more check-marks than ever, progress is noticeable all around the house and yard, you've got sweat on your brow and your back aches with the pain of accomplishment.
Well, sometimes the opposite is true when it comes to being a better dad. Momentum (or anger or fear or frustration or annoyances) forces us to make bad fatherly decisions. We get so wrapped up in the moment it just gets out of hand. You know the moments when this happens, don't you? I know I do. We need to recognize these moments and stop ourselves dead in our tracks. Don't be ashamed to do this. I believe your kid(s) will respect your control and will be more receptive to you in the end.
2) Walk away. I mentioned this in the section above, but it deserves further detail. Take a moment to remove yourself from the situation so you can clear your head. In the heat of the moment, things get said that need not be spoken. If you feel the moment tensing up, simply say "I need a moment" and leave to compose yourself.
This one needs to be done wisely. What I mean is that you can't just get up and leave in the middle of a conversation or an argument. That will surely get everyone angry, confused and frustrated with you. Instead, give your loved ones a heads up and let them know you have recognized that sometimes you lose your cool and you think you'd like to try taking a break from the situation (only for a few moments) and then continue it right where you left off. Make sure you let them know you aren't walking away just to be done with the problem though. Reassure them that this will help make sure the situation is handled well, and better than in the past.
3) Reflect. I know it sounds kind of lame, but men need to do it too. Reflecting upon the things we've done and critiquing ourselves is what leads us to become better dads. I'm not saying you need to over think every single second of fathering you're ever had, but taking a moment to think through some big moments where things either went really well, or not so well, is a really important habit to start forming.
This can be difficult to do if you've never done it before. Finding the time (however much time is needed for this) is not always easy. Our schedules are jammed packed from sun up to sun down nearly every day, so when do we squeeze in some reflecting time? Well, that's the nice thing about this part of the challenge; it really doesn't take much time at all. Here's some moments I've used to have a reflecting moment - please don't laugh:
* While driving
* While mowing the lawn
* Before falling asleep
* When I'm pumping gas
* While on the pot
* After the kids are in bed and my wife is still at work (like right now, literally)
* Any other moment, even if for a minute, where you can think in peace
So there it is. Use these steps as often as you need and as much as you would like.
Being a dad is a wonderful thing. It is challenging at times, for sure. But, it is always wonderful. Every day you wake up you have the opportunity to do it better. If you're the best dad ever, or the worst dad ever, you always have room for improvement. If you are honest with yourself, and put your ego aside, I think you will agree with me.
Now, I hope each and every father out there has an absolutely wonderful Father's Day. You're already doing a great job. Let's take this challenge to WOW our kid(s) and let them know just how important it is for us to do this right. To be the best dad we can be and to strive to DO IT BETTER with each new day.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
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