Better off dad

I was listening to a story on the radio not long ago that has really stuck with me.  It was all about "The American Dream" - or at least some form of it anyway.  The focus was on helping our kids to become better off (financially) than we are.

I was really struck by the story's emphasis of financial security.  It's a valid concern for sure, but I got to thinking about the word "better."  What does better really mean?  Sure, it can include money, but that certainly isn't the only thing.  I hope!

Helping our children grow and learn to live happy, healthy lives is no easy task.  Compound that with trying to make sure they are learning to live happier and healthier lives than us is even more difficult - I think that's the essence of better-off.  But isn't that what we're supposed to be doing as parents?  I think we'd be doing ourselves and our children an injustice if we didn't try to give them a boost.  Don't you?

Well, back to the word better.  Every father who reads this is going to define better in their own way.  For some, better may mean helping their kids get through high school, an accomplishment they cannot claim for themselves.  For others it may mean carrying the family tradition of graduating from an ivy league college.  For some it may mean climbing the corporate ladder a little higher than dad did.  For others it means taking over the family business and growing it bigger than previous generations.  I can keep going with this, but I think you get the point.

I don't know this for sure, but I'm pretty sure no man becomes a father and says, "I'm really hoping to screw this up and make sure this kid has it worse than me."  We may stumble and make mistakes.  We might say or do the wrong things from time to time.  But, so long as you're always trying to help them become better, your heads in the right place.

So, The American Dream isn't always about money.  I think when people here the phrase, The American Dream, mostly they think of owning a home.  Quite honestly, I'm not sure that's it anymore.  It's broader than that.  It's bigger than that.  And, it's more important than that.

Soldiers coming home from WWII were eager to get their lives back in order.  They wanted to settle down, start a family, hold a steady job and then buy a house.  They were enticed by the idea of being able to do all of that and it all seemed so good.  And at that time, and for many years after, it was a good thing.

But it's so much more than that now.  Being a father and helping your kids become better off than yourself is no longer about money.  It's no longer about holding a steady job and buying a home.  Fatherhood has changed over the years and it's evolved into something more intricate and intimate than at any other time in human history.  I think dads today are more willing to discuss their mistakes with their kids.  To help their children see a vulnerable side that, until recently, was scarcely seen or known.  Helping our kids become better off means more now than it ever has. 

You need to ask yourself if you are helping your kid(s) to become better off than you.  Be vulnerable and think about the mistakes you've made and decide if you're really comfortable sharing those memories and lessons with your children.  Don't just help them get off on the right foot, help them got going on the better foot.  That's your job.  That's your responsibility.